SeeingKnowing
by DragonKatGal
Summary: *Complete* Post 'Potential'. After Xander's moment with Dawn, Xander opens his eyes once more and sees what he failed to see in S6.


Seeing, Knowing.

DISCLAIMER: Not mine.

SETTINGS: Post Potential.

NOTES: Gasp, a non-Buffy-centric fic.  What is this world coming to…

Plus the quotes from the ep might be slightly off.  Watched it about twenty minutes ago and don't have the script in front of me.

PAIRING: I'm still on a B/X kick and I'm still not sure why…

ONWARDS:

"Well maybe that's your power.  Seeing.  Knowing."

For a sixteen year old who, up until two years ago didn't even exist, she was sometimes very astute.  Xander gave her a lopsided grin, thankful that the one thing he'd always prided himself in had been recognised by someone.  And even though it hadn't been recognised in anyone else's presence, he was still being acknowledged.  

"Maybe I should get a cape."  The quip was to keep the tears from falling, the corners of his eyes damp with unshed tears for the girl he considered his littlest Scooby sister.

"Cape's are good."  Dawn had no shame in letting her tears fall, and when Xander walked out of the room after giving her another grin, she let her eyes empty of the crystal drops, thankful for Xander's words.

As for Xander, he headed into the kitchen, wiping his eyes of the tears that weren't for himself.  He'd never shed tears for himself about his lack of powers.  He'd thought about it a lot.  When Cordelia and Anya had tactlessly told him that he had nothing to offer, he'd felt the sting of uselessness, but he'd never let it get him down.  He'd never let it stand in his way.  Nothing would take him out of the fight.  _Nothing_.  

He'd sworn it to himself when he'd seen Buffy's lifeless body floating in a pool of water when they'd been sixteen.  He'd sworn it again when Angelus had mocked Xander's weakness.  _Buffy's white knight_.  Angelus may have meant it as a cruel remark, but Xander had come to think of himself as Buffy's protector.  He'd sworn that same promise when Buffy had asked him to stay fray-adjacent.  Even when he was down and out, he'd kept fighting.  He'd saved the school from being blown up (even though ironically he'd helped to destroy it only a few months later).  

Xander sighed and sat himself at the bench.  

_"I see things the others don't see cos nobody's watching me._"  

Xander thought back to that statement and scowled.  He'd stopped watching last year.  It had been too painful to keep watching.  He had only opened his eyes when he'd been forced to see his ex-fiancée straddling Spike in the middle of the magic Box.  And after that moment, his eyes had been opened further.  He'd had to look back and see what had happened to his friends.  The downward spiral of Buffy's that _everyone_ had refused to see, Willow's descent into darkness that people had seen, but had been too afraid to say anything.  His own fears and hesitations about marriage that he hadn't wanted to admit until it was the most inopportune moment.

You know what day's a good day to break up with someone?  Any day except Valentine's Day.

He'd been hurt by Cordelia's lack of timing for their break-up, but he'd shattered Anya's heart by leaving her at the altar.  He'd never been able to understand that expression until he'd done it himself.  It still hurt to think of what he'd done to Anya.  

Xander sighed and stood up, moving to the kitchen sink and rinsing out a glass.  He didn't know how they were meant to get through this battle.  He was exhausted from just watching it, and he knew from watching that Buffy was coming towards the end of her rope.  He hated that Buffy was ignoring Dawn, but he knew that it wasn't because Buffy didn't care.  She just had other things, though they weren't necessarily more important, but she had other concerns.  Xander understood, but he didn't have to like it.

He turned as he heard someone come into the kitchen.  

"Hey," Buffy greeted him, giving him the soft smile that Xander had missed tremendously the last year.  He didn't understand how he'd been so blind to the Slayer's depression when it had been so obvious.  Obviously the Sunnydale river of denial had been running through the Scoobies the previous year as well.

"Hey Buff," he greeted.  "How's the Scrappy Gang?"

Buffy grinned, enjoying the wonderful sense of humour that Xander could bring to a situation that was so serious.  She was grateful that he was still basically the same boy that she'd always known, albeit a lot more mature.

"Still excited about their kill last night," Buffy replied.  "I was hoping to have tonight off, but I think they're keen to go out again."

Xander suddenly frowned and wondered when the last time was that Buffy had had a real break since summer had ended.  He couldn't think of a time when he'd seen her just sitting and relaxing.  They'd done so much of that over the summer when Willow had been gone, just he, Dawn and Buffy.  In all honesty, Xander missed it, even though he wouldn't change having Willow home for the world.  He wished that it was just the original Scoobies though, rather than the extended edition that included five potential Slayers.

"When was the last time you had a night off?" Xander asked curiously.

Buffy looked at him, taken aback by the question.  "Uh…why?"

"Well, I'm pretty much exhausted right now, and I can only imagine what you must be going through," Xander replied.  "How are you keeping up with all this?"

Buffy shrugged in her usual non-commital way.  "I'm fine Xan, it's not a problem."

Xander looked at her, really looked at her and was disturbed by what he saw.  She was pushing them away again and he hadn't even noticed.  

"Why are you doing that?" he asked.

"Doing…what?"

"Pushing us away?"

"I'm not," she cried defensively.  

Xander just looked at her and leant back against the bench, his posture casual, but his eyes demanding answers from her.  Buffy sighed and sat down at the table.  Not for the first time in the last seven years, Xander was reminded of just how small Buffy Summers really was.  He didn't notice it most of the time, mainly because he knew that she could kick his ass in a hundred different ways.  It made it more comforting to think of her being a lot bigger.  But now, with her shoulders slumped and her head in her hands, he remembered that she was a lot more fragile than she let people know.

"Annabelle died two weeks ago," Buffy whispered, touching the silver cross that swung around her neck.  "She's dead because I couldn't protect her."

Xander moved away from the bench and sat himself down next to her, taking hold of her hand.

"It wasn't your fault," he said quietly.

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes, her heart on her sleeve.  And Xander saw the truth.  She was pushing them away so that she wouldn't be so attached if any of the other Potentials died.

"Wasn't it?" Buffy asked, not really expecting an answer.  "Giles brought them here because he knew I could protect them.  Their second day here and one of them was already dead because she was scared that I couldn't protect her."

"She was afraid Buff," he whispered.  "They all are.  But what happened to Annabelle wasn't your fault.  You couldn't have known that she was going to run, and if you'd known, you'd have stopped her.  Out of all of them, she was the one that seemed the most calm."

"I was supposed to protect her," she said weakly.  "I'm supposed to protect all of them, and I don't know if I'll be able to do it.  It's like Giles said, they're all relying on me to protect them and I'm the only hope these girls have.  And I don't know if I can protect them or not."

Xander sighed and wished that Giles had thought a little more before he'd loaded Buffy's shoulders with the responsibility of these girls lives.  Xander had been astonished that the Watcher had even said those words to Buffy, about the Slayer being their only hope.  Buffy had known it already, but to have it said so forcefully was just the icing on the cake.

"Buffy, I know you," Xander began quietly, his hand still on hers.  "You will do anything and everything you can to make sure those girls stay alive.  You've fought everything that this world has thrown at you and come out on top, and you've done it with a lot of things at stake.  You would lay down your life for each and every one of them if you had to, and you'd do it without complaining about how unfair it is that this has been placed on your shoulders.  You're not just a Slayer Buff.  You're a champion."

Buffy swallowed hard and squeezed Xander's hand, thankful for what he'd just told her.  It wasn't the first time that Xander had motivated her to step up to the challenges that life threw at her.  She knew without a doubt that without Xander in her life, things would have been very different.

And when it's dark and I'm alone and scared, I think what would Buffy do.  You're my hero.

"You're a good guy Xan," Buffy said, looking up at him, tears running down her cheeks.  "I hope you know that."

He grinned, stood and pulled her into a tight hug.  "Now I do."

She went to pull away, but Xander held onto her.  They both knew that if she really wanted to get away from him, she easily could have, but she stayed within the warmth of his arms and sighed happily.  She leant her head onto his chest, silently wondering to herself when he'd filled out so well.

"Xan?"

"Mmmm?"

"About that night off?"

Xander chuckled, wondering how she'd even remembered their first topic after such an emotional exchange.

"What about it?"

"You don't happen to have plans tonight do you?" she asked.

"Yeah, I do."

Buffy pulled away and looked anywhere but at him.

"I'm taking this really great girl to the movies," he continued.  "Her sister and her best friend too.  Oh, and about five other girls and an ex-demon who probably need a night off as well."

Buffy looked at him and smiled. Xander grinned and pulled her back towards him, hugging her again.

"Thanks Xan," she whispered, her voice muffled as her face pressed against his shirt.

"There's no-where else I'd rather be."

END


End file.
